For all your Idol needs

And in news of a very different order from this morning's portentous announcement (I hope you all remember who Malcolm was in Macbeth the Scottish play, and if you don't, ask yourself what the date 11/11/75 means to you), I'm thrilled to report that the brilliant PetStarr is doing her annual thing with the Australian Idol wrap-ups. Who needs to actually watch the show when you can read this instead? And why aren't politicians this funny?

This week PetStarr puts her finger on two important trends in contemporary Australian life:

... this "slack moll slurring" (as Raoul puts it) is an epidemic in modern music. Lisa Mitchell (aka Shuffles McBalletflats) was famous for it in Idol 2006, and Sarah Blasko's not immune, either. Can't we take all these birds to June Dally Watkins and make them prance around the room with books on their heads and marbles in their mouths, singing "The rain in spain falls mainly on the plain" until they learn?

Madam apparently moved from New Zealand to Australia to "make a better life" for her and her child. This angers Sooty, who screams "She's acting as if New Zealand is a fucking savage outpost!" She has a point. I mean, what did she do when she arrived in Sydney? "What be those horseless, metallic chariots? And what be this light that comes from a globe when all else around be dark? Ooh Australia be a far advanced land, for certain!"