Tuesday, July 19, 2011


Dear Telstra, American Express, etc etc,

You know when you get some young minion to ring me up and try, under the guise of doing me a service, to screw even more of my money out of me than you're already getting? You know those calls?

Don't tell the young minions to call them 'courtesy calls', okay? You obviously don't know what 'courtesy' means, or you wouldn't apply it to the act of invading my privacy via telephone, almost always in the middle of a sentence/paragraph/train of thought that I am trying to finish, in order to try to get your despicable corporate mitts on more of my hard-earned. 'Courtesy' is not the word for that, however you might try to dress it up. You know what it is they say you can't polish.

And while I'm here, the next young minion (or indeed anyone else) who tells me 'Not a problem' – when what s/he actually means is 'Certainly, Madam' or 'Yes' or 'If you say so' or even just 'If you must' – is going to get a smack upside the head.

Especially if those kids are still on my lawn.

Lots of love,

Pav xxx


Deborah said...

Tonight's phone conversation (during dinner, of course).

Caller: Good evening, madam. How are you.

Deb: Busy.

Caller: Oh! Can I arrange another time to call you.

Deb: No.

End of conversation.

The Honourable Husband said...

A splendid post, but you left out one important word. "Citibank".

TimT said...

Pretty cheeky of them Deborah.

This service may be of interest to you. Well actually, it's just some waffle I made up for my blog. But it's relevant waffle.

And, wouldn't you know, as I was putting finishing touches to the post, the phone rang. It was a telemarketer...

paul walter said...

I've discovered they will ring at set times, the phone rings about the same length of time each time and each time I've answered (at midday and five-six oclock at night it's the same result- onto to hold till they're ready to BS you; you have enough time to hang up before they hook you up.
If they catch you, refer Deborah.
There is little point abusing the people ringing because they are probably just battlers, particularly if they're coming from the the third world.
Although, sometimes a situation will present an opportunity for a bit of wit of the sort employed by Deborah, usually of the sort that will go over the head of the hapless character ringing you.

saint furious said...

I no longer have a land line but when I did I found the 'do not call' register worked.

In 2 years I think only one telemarketer bothered me - I asked him for details of the company he was calling on behalf of, and then explained that I was on the register and if I heard from the company again I would notify the telco ombudsman. That ended the call with a polite, "I will remove your name from our list, I apologise for the inconvenience, good evening".


Anonymous said...

Yes! I just asked a chap selling floor tiles not to call me "love". Just call me madam I reckon. I'm going to say it every time I hear "love", darl", "dear" from now on.

Kerryn Goldsworthy said...

Saint Furious, I too have been on the Do Not Call register for yonks, but that doesn't stop the people you're already doing business with. Or charities. And there are seem to be quite a few other exemptions as well, and people who simply ignore it or don't now about it, like the scam from Mumbai about there being something wrong with one's computer. Can there really be that many young citizens of Mumbai called Timothy and Brenda?

saint furious said...

Ah yeah the exemptions are a pain - but still 'do not call' is better than nothing. I spoke to my telcos and told them I would go elsewhere if they didn't stop telemarketing to me. I am annoyingly persistent with stuff like that - I loathe being marketed to at home. It took me months to get the 'Messenger' not delivered - it's now been years since I received one of those as well.

The mobile phone only option has a lot to recommend it, but I know most people have their internet bundled up with their land lines. I live in a technological black hole so no land-based broadband option here.

Mindy said...

Silent number has worked for us for years. Very unusual to get a telemarketer. But if we ever do I have a chatty five year old they could talk to.

Phill said...

I apply this thinking to those charities that employ young people to hang about in shopping centres or malls aiming to get punters to sign over, on a weekly basis, some of their hard earned.

Next one of them that calls me "mate" will feel the steely cold of my most hardened stare.

It's a strange marketing tactic; it's certainly turned me off of donating to a certain charity that used to use cute puppies but now employs annoying youth.

Sigmund Marx said...

One of my favourite responses is to say 'she's dead' when they ask to speak to me. A couple of times, I have gone on to say, she jumped off a cliff because she got too many of these phone calls. It's dark, but it's funny. Usually I say, 'please cross me off the list' and I was pleased to see on one of the other comments that such a list does actually exist, because my daughter heard me saying that the other day and she said 'what list, as if they have a list'!