Sunday, May 31, 2009

Googlememe: needs

It always bemuses me a bit when people start talking about their needs, as though the mere act of declaring them were some kind of claim to entitlement. (Two real examples, that I have heard with my own ears from people who were not joking, to make the point: 'But I need to have four or five women in my life.' 'But I need to be adored.' Look on the bright side though, at least they didn't come from the same person.)

Needs are relative to situation. If you are bleeding to death, you could probably say with justification that you need a blood transfusion, sharpish. But otherwise, shelter, water and food are needs, and not much else. Maybe a bit of love, of some kind or another. But pretty much everything else isn't a need, it's just a want.

I have pinched this 'needs' meme straight from Deborah Strange Land. I've seen it before, but I was quite taken with Deborah's little annotations, which spark it up no end. The rules are that you google your name followed by the word 'needs' and then list the first ten that have come up, but my results have been skewed by the presence in some "reality" TV show or other of a Kerryn about whom many brainless opinions have been passed online, some of them very unkind, so I have substituted the ten I like best, thus:

1) Kerryn needs a housekeeper for her room.
No, she needs a housekeeper for her house.

2) Kerryn needs to be remembered.
Depends. With regard to certain people, situations and events, what Kerryn needs is to be forgotten.

3) Kerryn needs a holiday.
You have no idea.

4) Kerryn needs a thought bubble above her head.
Au contraire; her mother always said she was far too open a book.

5) Kerryn needs to start shooting.
Well, not quite, not yet. But give her time.

6) Kerryn needs to replace the one she sold by mistake.
Nah, she needs to replace the one she bought by mistake. White streaks of undissolved washing powder on the "clean" black clothes, pffft.

7) Kerryn needs an understudy.
She certainly thinks it would be very reassuring to know there was someone who could come on and take over if she had swine flu or something, yes.

8) Kerryn needs makeup like 24/7, honestly.
This is doubtless true, but luckily she is too old to care.

9) Kerryn needs work.
She already has more work than can be managed, unless this was meant in the sense of 'This proposal needs work', in which case, quite.

10) Kerryn needs to bite some chumps.
Now that is what I call a need.


Zoe said...

I could bite some chumps right now.

Doorbitch is mulga. I don't know why that seems odd

cristy said...

What does 'bite some chumps' mean?

I am afraid to do this meme. The spelling of my name is sufficiently unusual that I may encounter some overly personal 'needs'.

M-H said...

I like your ones! Mine are much more pedestrian.

Liam said...

Much better than mine. "Liam needs to shut the fuck up", "Liam needs throwing in the Thames and drowning", "Liam needs help".

British pop of the late 1990s has a lot for which to answer.

bite some chumps Followed by "Come 'ere, Noel, I'll f'n 'v ya"

Link said...

Caroline needs to lose some damn weight.
Caroline needs to find a way to begin to make amends for what she has done.
Caroline needs to have her paranoia medication changed.
Caroline needs a new school
Caroline needs news gossip photos videos dirt breaking news
Caroline needs to get back into sewing mode
Caroline needs a way of escaping from this reputation-crushing experience, which has in large measure eradicated her reputation as a . . .

better see what's going on there.

Link said...

. . .as a self-effacing and well-behaved member of the Kennedy clan.

Right. Then. That's sorted. What I really need to do is let the cat out.

Prudence said...

In my case, it's everyone else who seems to need prudence...

Anonymous said...

Hmmm ... the perils of having a notorious namesake ...

David Irving needs to be wheeled out to talk about the trials he has faced

David Irving needs to have a little chat with Oprah

And this little gem from stormfront:
David Irving needs your help!

I don't think I want to play any more.

David Irving (no relation)